I get up to the top floor and the door is a jar, he greets me, points at my foot “this one!” I nod and he ushers me to the strange waiting room with a sign saying 300MB internet. Lies! The waiting room wall is dotted with signed pictures of Polish celebrities, so I guess that proves his credibility more than any medical certificate ever could.
After making me sweat for a while, he ushers me in and hears my stories. Shocked at the treatment I have received in the UK, he assures me that I don’t need to worry, hes does it 100s of times and unlike an English doctor, he will do it right, FIRST TIME. I had to appreciate his bed side manner, much better than I am used to and he isn’t even speaking his first language.
He later went on to reveal his 10 years spent working abroad, he didn’t have anything good to say about English Dr’s on the whole, but the Scottish seemed ok!
Laying on a little hospital bed with the typical but comforting clinical colours of green and blue, he starts talking numbers “450 this is going to cost you” “But the woman told me 350 on the phone” (Is it because I am English? See what else he thinks of English below!) “Well 350 for the surgery and 100 for the consultation” That old chestnut! Despite my intense fear of the impending foreign hands that were about to violate my flesh, I still had the energy for a bit of haggling, but not that much! I settled on 400.
3 Injections in the toe and I could feel it up to my knee after a few minutes, followed by I don’t know how many more injections as my toe was totally dead.. he got out his tool kit. A bit of chopping and pulling and 10 minutes later he had found the pieces of nail had been previously chopped and then left in. He went back in for another go and found some more pieces, all that digging around with metal tools left a rather nasty hole in my toe. You won’t need any pain killers he assures me, more lies.
I ask him if gets many English patients ”A few, they all have a problem with addiction… Beer, Wine, Vodka its too cheap here.. the ones from Krakow they are the worst”
Interesting! But not all that surprising. That’s probably why he thinks I should pay an extra 100.
Well, he certainly found some things that shouldn’t be in my toe and was more than happy to show me! I tried my very best to film the procedure but unfortunately his hands were blocking the view.
In summary, even in 2013 the simplest* of surgical operations or still a bit gory, I thought by now it would be all lasers and new toes grown from stem cells. I guess humanity is ineffective and inefficient, a bit like the NHS.
Conclusion - Don’t kick chairs.
